That moment when you sit down to MAKE yourself write because you have been away for so long, but you know you are going to word vomit BECAUSE you’ve been away so long, but also fuck it, because you just need to write on your blog. Of all the practices I have, writing has been with me the longest. And it’s exactly the one I abandon first. When I need it most. Writing connects me to ME and sharing it connects me to others. Both are medicine to me.
There can’t possibly be a single person living on this planet whose heart isn’t breaking open every single day. Wait. There can’t be a single AWAKE person on this planet whose heart isn’t breaking open every single day. Note that I didn’t say woke person. I mean the person whose eyes and hearts are open. The person who isn’t numbing themselves out. And let’s be honest, we are ALL numbing ourselves out a bit. If we weren’t, this world would be too much. In fact, as I sit here, forcing myself to write, I am working hard to not pick up my phone and check my notifications which would absolutely offer a distraction.
That’s kind of my go to for distracting. And by “kind of” what I really mean, is that it just is. I led a women’s circle last week and asked the question “How do you distract yourself? What activities do you engage in to numb yourself out and what can you do differently?” And then, as I went to lock up the studio, I noticed my phone was missing. My phone that had been right beside me all evening. My phone that I used to take a picture of our hands at the end of circle. Just gone. Isn’t it funny how the Universe messes with us like that? Immediately. And I KNEW exactly why that phone had disappeared. I got it back the next day, but I got my technology break handed to me in a big way.
Let me clarify that there isn’t a damn thing wrong with a little distraction and numbing out. I find it to be necessary these days. I am mostly awake and aware and paying attention throughout my days and life is teaching me lessons. Life is teaching us all lessons. Hopefully. And sometimes they hurt.
I’ve had a lot of growth opportunities in the past few months and I FEEL like I have grown a lot. In my soul. Just to be clear.
As much as I absolutely did NOT want to move my business to Southport (all the way over the bridge), the Universe pushed me out of my comfort zone and into what felt like a whole new world. The property search involved a whole new level of trust that was at times a bit more than I had. But what I did have was a realtor/friend who kept reminding me that we weren’t going to get in our own with that doubt and fear bullshit. And so I kept coming back to trust. It was a process that involved so many parts and pieces and other people coming together at the exact right moment. The parts and pieces are one thing, but when it comes to other people, it can get iffy to say the least. And then. BOOM. At the exact right time, it was a go in Southport and it has been go time ever since.
I had completely forgotten how exciting beginnings are. I was so caught up in what was ending. Endings are sad and scary. Endings are full of uncertainty. My little world is clearly a reflection of the planet we are living on. There was a lot of sadness and fear involved in that move. But I kept trusting. Mostly. Then I’d forget. And be reminded to trust. And forget. On and on. Trust isn’t my natural state. But I landed in a great space in perfect time. And this new space has breathed life into me in such a big way.
After feeling so stuck for months and months, I have been able to tap into my creative energy again. I have moved out of the liminal space and back into life. Liminal space is a hard place to hang out. We have ALL been in stuck in liminal space in one way or another since the pandemic hit. And we have ALL been feeling that in one way or another. Hence the distracting, numbing and avoiding. But life on the other side of the liminal space I was stuck in feels amazing. I absolutely love being in Southport. (In case you were wondering.)
I was so sure when I left the island that I would be back in the spring. But the truth is, that was me being fearful of letting go and moving on. Afraid of what was ending for me because I couldn’t yet see what was beginning. I can no longer say that my intention is to open a studio on the island in the spring. Perhaps if the timing is perfect and everything flows effortlessly and easily and all signs clearly point me in that direction, then yes, I will roll with it. But honestly, I am enjoying where I am so much right now, that I don’t picture that happening. Right now I get the best of both worlds. Expansion AND rest. Community and solitude. If you know anything about me, you KNOW, this girl needs rest. I do all of the things with my whole heart. I do all of the things with all of the people. I have a lot of BIG energy. Until I don’t. Down time is important to me. Being in one place feels important to me right now. Unless that changes. Isn’t it wonderful to have options? I don’t expect Rebel Soul Yoga will be my forever. I expect it to be my right now. I am very much in love with my right now. AND….I have all sorts of dreams in my head about the future. I haven’t felt that way in a very long time and it feels amazing. Expansion was my one word intention for 2020, which seemed pretty hilarious once the pandemic hit and life was anything but expansive. But, it’s caught up to me in a big way this year. Not just in my business, but in my heart. In my soul. In my dreams.