I’m not crying. You’re crying.

Last week I celebrated 8 years of sobriety. It even felt like an actual celebration this year, complete with cupcakes, donuts and coffee after yoga with some of my favorite people. This was followed by an afternoon with my son in Raleigh. A beautiful and perfect day. Especially since my children are the entire reason I got sober. I hear all the time that we have to get sober for ourselves, but that was not my experience. I got sober because my children deserved a Mother who was present and there for them. In no way did I think I deserved that for myself. That part came much later.

Sober anniversaries get me all up in my feels. Transitional times in general get me all up in my feels. And this is a really big transitional time in my life.

I opened Rebel Soul Yoga in November of 2017. Days before my 4th sober anniversary. I was super sober. I had been regularly going to meetings as well as practicing yoga and meditation for those sober years. I had a consistent journal practice and a ton of self awareness. But I was self destructive. And somehow I missed this. But my husband didn’t. And before I had the opportunity to destroy everything I was building, he suggested I go see a therapist and figure out what my problem was. I had been therapized plenty, but not as a sober woman. All of the therapy I had done up to that point was more to stabilize me and get me to the place of a sober life. But I hadn’t yet dug into the root causes of my addictions.

So I went to therapy and I discovered quite quickly what my problem was.

I documented quite a bit of what “my problem” was here on the blog. I’ll throw THIS out for you in case you would like a refresher. Complex trauma was my problem. And this started me on a healing journey that will never end. Because just when we think we’re finished, we aren’t. But if you know me, then you know when I start something I am ALL IN. I began to seek out every healing modality that was available to me. As I started to heal, I brought these modalities and teachers into Rebel Soul Yoga to share with the community.

Yoga. Meditation. Obviously. Nutrition. Breath work. Ecstatic Dance. Dancing Mindfulness. Qoya. Sound Healing. Reiki. Shamanic Drumming. EFT/Tapping. Chanting/Kirtan. Writing Circles. Healing Circles. Drum Circles. Women’s Circles. Inner Child Healing. Dream interpretation. Recovery. Tears. Joy. Love. So much love.

Someone once said in circle that when you spend time at Rebel Soul yoga, you will learn to cry and say the F word. And she was exactly right. Sounds awful, but it’s awesome.

An entire community of people healed so much here. An entire community of people grew so much. But I don’t think anyone grew as much as I did in these past four years.

It was early on in therapy that I realized I had named my business after my inner 15 year old rebel child. The beauty in that is that the studio gave that child a place to heal. She learned to use her voice. She learned how to hold space for herself and then for others. She learned to be assertive. She learned to say no to the things she didn’t want to do and she learned how to say yes authentically. To the things that fed her soul. She learned how to stand up for herself and in turn, how to stand up for others. She found her power.

I’m not crying. You’re crying,

I’m not sad about moving out of the space. I am celebrating the fact that I grew as much as I possibly could in there. I am celebrating how much we all grew. It’s easy to see when I look at the people around me. People who have also found their power. I know that the Universe is pushing me to grow more. To take it up a notch to the next level. I have more tools in the toolbox this time around. As I start over, I am not starting from scratch. I am starting from experience. And oh my soul, I am a sucker for new beginnings. There is nothing I love more than a fresh start. Because absolutely anything is possible. Forward motion. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

2 thoughts on “I’m not crying. You’re crying.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s