Month: March 2022

Emerging

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I love women’s circles. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I am leading a new Sunday circle once a month as well as a monthly moon circle. These new circles allow me an opportunity to explore ritual in a new way. To connect with women in a new way. To expand and empower the circle of women in this community. To witness their healing and their growth. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is the work I am here to do. In this lifetime. At least for this part of my life. I am divinely guided.

I have been leading circles for a while now. I think the first one was in 2017. Like all good things in my life, I started from a place of “that’s stupid and I’m never doing it.” It started like this. After a completely uneventful morning meditation, I opened my journal to write. What came out onto the pages was so bizarre. I wrote that I was going to gather women. I was going to create a community of women. This was bizarre for a number of reasons. The first one being that I didn’t really have women friends. I had an AA sponsor and women I had met here and there in yoga, but these were the days when I really didn’t like or trust women. We certainly didn’t hang out. So WHY would my journal say that I was going to gather women in a group? Why would I do that? And what was I going to do with them? How would that even be possible?

I decided that was stupid and I was never doing it, closed my journal and went on my way. But the seed had been planted. And it took root fast. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Not because I wanted to do it, but because it was just so strange. Never did it occur to me that it was divinely inspired. I wasn’t there in my faith yet. I didn’t know or understand intuition. I began to research (Google) how to gather a group of women. I dropped a bunch of money, signed up for circle facilitator training, and realized pretty quickly that all of this moon circle stuff I was learning were things I already knew and was already doing. I didn’t finish that training. Instead, I rented space at Hearts and Sol Wellness, posted the details of the circle I was going to lead and showed up on the night of the New Moon. And there were 21 women who showed up for that circle. This was the Universe showing me exactly HOW I was going to gather the women. I see the WHY in every circle. To change the world.

Last Sunday I led a women’s circle. The topic was Emerge. We talked about spring approaching and the new life that was emerging within us and all around us. There was a beautiful ritual that represented the emergence of these women from their cocoons and into the world. But I don’t participate in these rituals while I am leading them. And while I was excited for the expansiveness I am feeling and the new life Southport has given me, and this confidence that is absolutely growing within me, I wasn’t sure what was emerging next. And then I drove home.

On the way home I felt the nudge. A women’s retreat. I have led retreats before, for friends. On Bald Head Island. In the mountains. The year I got my yoga teacher certification I led a women’s yoga recovery retreat. But those were all small and didn’t really require much from me. This felt different. And if I am honest (which I always am), I was slightly terrified to drop the money on the property because what if nobody signed up? I told myself if I could find a cool ass woman to come on board and cook plant-based food for us I would do it. Enter The Holistic Hipster.

On Tuesday I booked the property. On Wednesday I threw the idea out to the world. On Thursday I opened the retreat for registration. On Saturday morning it was FULL. (As a side note, I opened the bonus spaces and there are now two available). It happened so fast. And it’s so exciting to know that I am doing what I am here to do. To the person on the outside looking it, this might seem simple and silly and perhaps insignificant. But to me it’s a big deal. It comes back to trust. Never my strong suit. Learning to trust myself, my intuition. To trust that I am being divinely guided. My lesson in this lifetime. I’m sure there are others. Of course, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if nobody signed up. I’d be out some money and I would have a fabulous time in the mountains by myself. But instead, I get to lead an amazing retreat experience for a wonderful group of women. I get to teach them things they haven’t been exposed to yet. I get to share new experiences with them. I get to sit with them in what is essentially an extended circle. To hear their stories. heir vulnerable heart shares. To witness their tears, their laughter, their strength. THAT is the experience I’m in love with. It’s powerful and life changing. We are changing the world every time we gather. Starting with ourselves. And I am here for it. I am honored and grateful for the opportunity. Honored, grateful and excited for what’s next.

Expansion. And other things.

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That moment when you sit down to MAKE yourself write because you have been away for so long, but you know you are going to word vomit BECAUSE you’ve been away so long, but also fuck it, because you just need to write on your blog. Of all the practices I have, writing has been with me the longest. And it’s exactly the one I abandon first. When I need it most. Writing connects me to ME and sharing it connects me to others. Both are medicine to me.

There can’t possibly be a single person living on this planet whose heart isn’t breaking open every single day. Wait. There can’t be a single AWAKE person on this planet whose heart isn’t breaking open every single day. Note that I didn’t say woke person. I mean the person whose eyes and hearts are open. The person who isn’t numbing themselves out. And let’s be honest, we are ALL numbing ourselves out a bit. If we weren’t, this world would be too much. In fact, as I sit here, forcing myself to write, I am working hard to not pick up my phone and check my notifications which would absolutely offer a distraction.

That’s kind of my go to for distracting. And by “kind of” what I really mean, is that it just is. I led a women’s circle last week and asked the question “How do you distract yourself? What activities do you engage in to numb yourself out and what can you do differently?” And then, as I went to lock up the studio, I noticed my phone was missing. My phone that had been right beside me all evening. My phone that I used to take a picture of our hands at the end of circle. Just gone. Isn’t it funny how the Universe messes with us like that? Immediately. And I KNEW exactly why that phone had disappeared. I got it back the next day, but I got my technology break handed to me in a big way.

Let me clarify that there isn’t a damn thing wrong with a little distraction and numbing out. I find it to be necessary these days. I am mostly awake and aware and paying attention throughout my days and life is teaching me lessons. Life is teaching us all lessons. Hopefully. And sometimes they hurt.

I’ve had a lot of growth opportunities in the past few months and I FEEL like I have grown a lot. In my soul. Just to be clear.

As much as I absolutely did NOT want to move my business to Southport (all the way over the bridge), the Universe pushed me out of my comfort zone and into what felt like a whole new world. The property search involved a whole new level of trust that was at times a bit more than I had. But what I did have was a realtor/friend who kept reminding me that we weren’t going to get in our own with that doubt and fear bullshit. And so I kept coming back to trust. It was a process that involved so many parts and pieces and other people coming together at the exact right moment. The parts and pieces are one thing, but when it comes to other people, it can get iffy to say the least. And then. BOOM. At the exact right time, it was a go in Southport and it has been go time ever since.

I had completely forgotten how exciting beginnings are. I was so caught up in what was ending. Endings are sad and scary. Endings are full of uncertainty. My little world is clearly a reflection of the planet we are living on. There was a lot of sadness and fear involved in that move. But I kept trusting. Mostly. Then I’d forget. And be reminded to trust. And forget. On and on. Trust isn’t my natural state. But I landed in a great space in perfect time. And this new space has breathed life into me in such a big way.

After feeling so stuck for months and months, I have been able to tap into my creative energy again. I have moved out of the liminal space and back into life. Liminal space is a hard place to hang out. We have ALL been in stuck in liminal space in one way or another since the pandemic hit. And we have ALL been feeling that in one way or another. Hence the distracting, numbing and avoiding. But life on the other side of the liminal space I was stuck in feels amazing. I absolutely love being in Southport. (In case you were wondering.)

I was so sure when I left the island that I would be back in the spring. But the truth is, that was me being fearful of letting go and moving on. Afraid of what was ending for me because I couldn’t yet see what was beginning. I can no longer say that my intention is to open a studio on the island in the spring. Perhaps if the timing is perfect and everything flows effortlessly and easily and all signs clearly point me in that direction, then yes, I will roll with it. But honestly, I am enjoying where I am so much right now, that I don’t picture that happening. Right now I get the best of both worlds. Expansion AND rest. Community and solitude. If you know anything about me, you KNOW, this girl needs rest. I do all of the things with my whole heart. I do all of the things with all of the people. I have a lot of BIG energy. Until I don’t. Down time is important to me. Being in one place feels important to me right now. Unless that changes. Isn’t it wonderful to have options? I don’t expect Rebel Soul Yoga will be my forever. I expect it to be my right now. I am very much in love with my right now. AND….I have all sorts of dreams in my head about the future. I haven’t felt that way in a very long time and it feels amazing. Expansion was my one word intention for 2020, which seemed pretty hilarious once the pandemic hit and life was anything but expansive. But, it’s caught up to me in a big way this year. Not just in my business, but in my heart. In my soul. In my dreams.